David
My wife's parents are cuban. They have 3 children; two daughters and 1 son. The son was born in the United States. The three children got together (one of which is my wife) to give their father a "80th-birthday party." Their mother was given the job of making, and mailing, the birthday invitations.
When we got OUR copy of the invitation, it stated that their "son and his wife" were throwing a birthday party for his dad. There was NO mention of the two daughters being any part of this party.
My wife, and her sister, of course - WERE FURIOUS! Their mother reminded them that "the son comes first" in a Cuban family. My wife asked "what about HIS wife?" Well, she is cuban (she was also born in the USA). So That Makes It "All Right..."
I am not Cuban, nor is my brother in law. So we are invisible to the eyes of her parents. AND our kids, too. Not cuban... The brother-in-law's daughter was born in the USA too. But SHE is their ONLY grandchild, and Cuban, too...
What do you think of this?
Answer
Think of it? It stinks. Ignoring the contributions of anybody, especially someone you're supposed to love, stinks. Of course, that gets you nowhere, because...
...you can't change the way someone else thinks. It's been explained to Mom that she hurt your wife, and your sister-in-law, and left out his wife, and you, and... And Mom didn't get it. Doesn't want to get it.
So what to do? Go to the party and have a good time. If anyone mentions how great everything is, say, "Yes, my wife and her sister put in a lot of work on this." Show that you are proud of your wife and her sister, no matter who else elects to ignore them.
Let's put it this way - my husband's family is very clannish. When his grandparent's 50th anniversary rolled around, it was just before our wedding. His aunt elected to omit me from the huge family portrait, because I wasn't family. To some of them, I'm not family even now, just part of the "ladies' auxiliary." Why let it chap me? My husband loves me, and thinks I'm very important, and respects me.
Show your wife how proud you are of her (and it wouldn't hurt to throw a bone to your sister-in-law) - a better use of your time than futilely trying to drag the cavepeople out of the stone age. Good luck!
Think of it? It stinks. Ignoring the contributions of anybody, especially someone you're supposed to love, stinks. Of course, that gets you nowhere, because...
...you can't change the way someone else thinks. It's been explained to Mom that she hurt your wife, and your sister-in-law, and left out his wife, and you, and... And Mom didn't get it. Doesn't want to get it.
So what to do? Go to the party and have a good time. If anyone mentions how great everything is, say, "Yes, my wife and her sister put in a lot of work on this." Show that you are proud of your wife and her sister, no matter who else elects to ignore them.
Let's put it this way - my husband's family is very clannish. When his grandparent's 50th anniversary rolled around, it was just before our wedding. His aunt elected to omit me from the huge family portrait, because I wasn't family. To some of them, I'm not family even now, just part of the "ladies' auxiliary." Why let it chap me? My husband loves me, and thinks I'm very important, and respects me.
Show your wife how proud you are of her (and it wouldn't hurt to throw a bone to your sister-in-law) - a better use of your time than futilely trying to drag the cavepeople out of the stone age. Good luck!
80th Birthday Party Ettiquette-Invitations to Those Who Cannot or Will Not Attend?
Sarah
My grandmother is turning 80 in a few months and I would like to have a special celebration for her. The problem is, most of the people she is close to live far away and don't have very much money. I know many of them will not be able to attend. Her favorite relatives who live closer also will not attend due to religious reasons.
I would like to invite all of her friends and family anyway. By doing so, I hope that possibly someone might feel inclined to jump on a plane. I would also like the invitation to serve as a reminder that this special event is about to happen. Is it acceptable for me to send invitations to people I have never met, but who I know can not attend? Also, it it acceptable for me to send invitations to relatives who do not celebrate birthdays because of religious beliefs?
My worst fear is that I will attempt to throw this fabulous party and nobody will be able to attend besides immediate family that she sees every day. I'm afraid it would depress her.
Answer
Send invitations to everyone that knows and loves your grandma and wants to celebrate her life. Put a small piece of paper in each and have each person write a memory they have of your grandmother. Also, you could ask for pictures anybody would be willing to donate. Have everyone send these items to your address (along with an RSVP) at least a week or two before the party so you can make a scrapbook for your grandma. This will be a nice way to let her know that even though some of her friends could not make it, they were still thinking of her.
Send invitations to everyone that knows and loves your grandma and wants to celebrate her life. Put a small piece of paper in each and have each person write a memory they have of your grandmother. Also, you could ask for pictures anybody would be willing to donate. Have everyone send these items to your address (along with an RSVP) at least a week or two before the party so you can make a scrapbook for your grandma. This will be a nice way to let her know that even though some of her friends could not make it, they were still thinking of her.
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Title Post: Father's 80th Birthday Party?
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