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sugar1973
And is it too much to give a friend of a couple years a bday gift? I've had some male friends think this way. I used to think I gave gifts early into a relationship. Maybe I was looking to please people. But I have changed--I'm generous but I'm not attached to what I give to people. It's usually for birthdays. Recently a female friend started crushing on me (I'm straight), and thinks because I gave her birthday gifts--simple ones, like wine, candles, soap--that I must like her. Are these people who aren't used to getting gifts misconstruing that gesture as "love interest"? I am a generous person. A lot of my friends don't even bring gifts to bday parties. Should I just stick to giving a card to avoid needy people like this? Even my birthday card, this girl was hanging on to my every word. It was pretty generic what I wrote and I wrote "Love, (my name)".
She admitted she has a crush on me. Her behavior made me uncomfortable. I tried not seeing her for a while to diffuse her feelings, but I felt I had to at least attend her bday party. I gave a card and mentioned I bought a gift but I forgot it in the car. The rest of the evening was uncomfortable because her feelings started acting up again.
Answer
I agree with June. How do you know she has a crush on you?
Whether she has a crush on you or simply likes you as a friend, you need to be aware that it is perfectly normal for people to think you like them if you give them birthday gifts.
It is not "needy" to want to be friends with someone who has given a gift because gifts show friendship. You may not see gifts this way, but pretty much everyone else does.
In answer to your question, I wouldn't even give a card in future if you don't want to be friends with a person.
Finally, if it turns out this woman DOES have a crush on you, then be compassionate. Say you're straight. Don't make a big deal out of it. Step back--at least temporarily--to give her an opportunity to get over her feelings. Good luck.
*******
Reply:
Now I understand...
Well, you did nothing wrong by going to the party. It isn't the gift that is the problem here. It is that she is not over her crush on you. So I'd step back again.
This kind of thing is annoying and difficult to handle. Although I believe in being compassionate and relaxed when dealing with unwanted crushes, I also think that she crossed a line if she approached you while knowing that you're straight. I'm not saying she is crazy or that you should worry... Just that she may have trouble with boundaries and you should take extra care.
I would avoid doing anything that could be construed by her as a sign that you return her feelings. Don't accept her invitations to anything. If you do find yourself at an event that she's at, focus on other people. Not to be mean, but to avoid giving her any hope.
If she approaches you again, say briefly (so the message gets through) and calmly, "I'm straight. I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."
Let's hope she meets someone else soon. If any of her friends already know about this situation (don't tell anyone if they don't know because this might humiliate her), encourage them to take her out to meet other people.
I agree with June. How do you know she has a crush on you?
Whether she has a crush on you or simply likes you as a friend, you need to be aware that it is perfectly normal for people to think you like them if you give them birthday gifts.
It is not "needy" to want to be friends with someone who has given a gift because gifts show friendship. You may not see gifts this way, but pretty much everyone else does.
In answer to your question, I wouldn't even give a card in future if you don't want to be friends with a person.
Finally, if it turns out this woman DOES have a crush on you, then be compassionate. Say you're straight. Don't make a big deal out of it. Step back--at least temporarily--to give her an opportunity to get over her feelings. Good luck.
*******
Reply:
Now I understand...
Well, you did nothing wrong by going to the party. It isn't the gift that is the problem here. It is that she is not over her crush on you. So I'd step back again.
This kind of thing is annoying and difficult to handle. Although I believe in being compassionate and relaxed when dealing with unwanted crushes, I also think that she crossed a line if she approached you while knowing that you're straight. I'm not saying she is crazy or that you should worry... Just that she may have trouble with boundaries and you should take extra care.
I would avoid doing anything that could be construed by her as a sign that you return her feelings. Don't accept her invitations to anything. If you do find yourself at an event that she's at, focus on other people. Not to be mean, but to avoid giving her any hope.
If she approaches you again, say briefly (so the message gets through) and calmly, "I'm straight. I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."
Let's hope she meets someone else soon. If any of her friends already know about this situation (don't tell anyone if they don't know because this might humiliate her), encourage them to take her out to meet other people.
How long does it usually take for parents to RSVP for your child's birthday?
Q. My son is turning 6 and this is the first time I have invited his whole class to his birthday. I don't expect for everyone to come but I gave the invitations out to 28 kids over 3 days ago and have not got one reply. They still have 5 days to RSVP so I was just wondering what other parents experience is with how long it takes. Thank you:)
Answer
It depends.My little brother had a slumber party,but we didn't get any RSVPs until the very night before it.Some people didn't even bother to :pSince there's five days until,you probably won't get any RSVPs for one or two more days.
It depends.My little brother had a slumber party,but we didn't get any RSVPs until the very night before it.Some people didn't even bother to :pSince there's five days until,you probably won't get any RSVPs for one or two more days.
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Title Post: How do I deal with a friend who is developing a crush because I gave gifts for her birthday?
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